


Heartbreak of the Mind and Soul

by RiddlePanda



Category: Kamen Rider Drive
Genre: Blood, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 01:13:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4686692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiddlePanda/pseuds/RiddlePanda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of Chase's death affected Gou more than he thought was possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartbreak of the Mind and Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this once I saw the leaked scans of Chase in Gou's arms and revised a bit of this today once I saw the preview for next week's episode. This was a monster to write and I feel so bad for hurting Gou as much as I did since he's one of my favorite characters. 
> 
> Obviously this is not what happens, but in the land of AU's, anything is possible.

No one had seen Gou for a week ever since the final battle between Banno and his ultimate weapon and… also the day of Chase’s death.

—————————-

_Try as they could, even Heart and Medic, who had ultimately survived the battle and had resolved to live their lives peacefully with humanity, couldn’t revive Chase, whose body had strangely not exploded like normal Roidmudes had once they died. Medic surmised that since he was a prototype of the numbered Roidmudes, his body and Core were different. Their only confirmation of this was Gou’s words once they reached him numbly holding Chase’s lifeless body._

**_“He…he just shut down. He took that blow meant for me… It was too much for him…so he…he…”_ **

_After the final battle had been won and everyone was gathered in the emergency Drive Pit, tending to injuries and winding down, Shinnosuke had suggested they should have a small funeral for Chase, since they couldn’t revive him, and it would be dehumanizing to him to just let his body lay there. He had wanted to learn the ways of humans, to live like one, so it was only right that Chase get the respect that a human did when they died. Gou had remained by Chase’s body the entire time he had stayed, his hands occasionally moving to his jacket pockets. Kiriko tried talking to her brother, but he seemed to block out everything she was saying._

**_“I’m going home.”_ **

_Kiriko reached out to touch Gou on the arm and received a flinch as he turned away from her and hurriedly exited the room. **“Gou…be careful, okay?”** She was unsure her words even reached him. _

———————————-

“Ugh. Mmmmmm.” Gou groaned as pressed his hands over his face, trying to will the massive headache he had to stop. He blearily opened a bloodshot eye to see a glass of water and pain pills on his bedside table and forced himself up to take them. The water tasted foul at first, the aftermath of the alcohol the teen had consumed the night before, but he was grateful for the coolness soothing his sore throat, as well as the fact that it was even there in the first place. He surmised that Kiriko was the one that kept leaving the water and pills, after all, he had given his sister a key once Banno had revealed himself to be their enemy.

Gou closed his eyes, trying to remember anything about the night before, but just like the previous days, it was hard to focus on anything he had done, due to the alcoholic stupor he had forced himself in. He had initially felt bad for stopping by his sister’s apartment and taking the few bottles of wine she had before coming home to his own apartment, but he had needed something to take his mind off of everything that had happened.

Chase had died in his arms. Everyone else has called it him deactivating, even Gou himself at first, when he tried explaining what happened. But, like Shinnosuke had said, calling it that was just dehumanizing Chase.

Gou had still been in shock during the final battle, going on autopilot the entire time. He couldn’t take his eyes off the Roidmude when they had finally won and were all finally able to gather together and assess the damage that everyone had taken. Each moment seemed like an eternity as the teen stared at Chase’s prone body, occasionally checking to make sure the precious cargo he was carrying was still with him, willing with all his might that his body would give some sign of life as Heart and Medic tried their best to revive him. He had barely heard anyone speaking to him before he couldn’t take anymore and ran out leaving even his Driver and Signal Bikes, he thought his sister had said something to him, but he couldn’t remember, especially after the near week long drinking binge that had transpired. Gou had just wanted those last moments between him and Chase to quit replaying in his head.

_“G…Gou…are you okay?”_

_“You idiot! What the hell were you thinking?! I didn’t need saving! Why did you…!?”_

_“They would…have been sad, Kiriko and Shinnosuke, your…family. I promised…myself I would protect you. Protect the family…you all created for yourselves.”_

_Chase had started to grab at something behind him and pulled out Proto-Speed and his driver's license and Signal Chaser from his Driver and weakly tried to hand them to Gou._

_“Gou…please…take care of Proto-Speed and Signal Chaser. They…are precious to me. They’re…they’re my…”_

_Chase had begun to drift off, slowly closing his eyes, prompting Gou to shake the man._

_“Chase?! No! You can’t! You can’t die on me! Chase! CHASE! Please…don’t die. Please…you’re my…my…”_

_“…Buddy.” Chase finished for him as he slowly closed his eyes and went limp in Gou’s arms._

Gou ran into the bathroom to throw up.

——————————–

Gou stumbled out of the bathroom and into his small kitchen, dropping into one of the bar stools. His head was still pounding and the tiny amount of light that was seeping through the dark curtains he had on the windows wasn’t helping. His stomach growled and the teen laid his head on the countertop and hugged his body, trying to ebb the hunger pains away. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate, it wasn't much he remembered, and the thought of food made him feel sicker than he already was.

A small beep next to him made Gou slowly lift his head and stare at the object that made the noise. Signal Chaser. He couldn’t determine whether or not it was the alcohol and lack of food making him hallucinate or that the Signal Bikes and Shift Cars were sentient enough to portray emotions, but he was sure Signal Chaser had the look of worry and concern emanating from it.

“M’sorry Chaser.” Gou mumbled as he uncurled his arms and patted the bike on its skull decoration. “Don’t know why he gave you two to me, can’t even take care of myself.”

Proto-Speed drove up and start beeping softly and both it and Chaser began to softly nudge Gou’s hand. He looked at the both of them, vividly remembering how Chase had shakily given the two to him, how he put the two in his jacket pocket and kept checking on them while staring at their dead master, knowing that they’d never be used again since they could only be used by Chase because they were…

Gou abruptly stood up and grabbed the last half bottle of wine he had and headed toward his bedroom, ignoring the distressed and concerned beeps of Proto and Chaser.

————————

The sun had already set and the bedroom was near pitch black when Gou finally opened his eyes after passing out due to the latest round of drinking. He sat up and leaned heavily against the wall, allowing his stomach to settle before reaching up to open the door. He crawled along the floor, stopping every few feet due to dizziness, before finally making it to the bathroom to release the meager contents of his stomach.

The teen laid on the cool tile of the bathroom floor once the heaving stopped and closed his eyes, the bits and pieces of the last week he remembered playing in his mind.

“It’s my fault. It’s my fault Chase died. If…if I hadn’t tried to face Banno alone…he might still be…”

Gou choked down a sob and curled up, finally letting himself cry for the first time since that day. He shivered as memories of his interactions with Chase, most of them negative, plagued his mind, forcing him curl up even tighter and sob even harder. The last conversation they had began to flash through his head, like it had done through most of his conscious and coherent moments that week.

“I…killed him. It’s my fault he’s gone. All he wanted…was…was to be…”

He shakily uncurled and got to his feet, using the sink to balance him and stared at his reflection in the mirror. Dead, haunted eyes stared back.

“It’s my fault. I’m a murderer. I killed him. Chase should be here…not me. Not me.”

He glanced at himself once more before punching the mirror, shattering it. Careful of the blood already seeping from the cuts he received from the mirror shards, Gou selected a piece and slid down the wall next to the sink. He was grateful he had closed the door, remembering that Proto-Speed and Signal Chaser were still somewhere in the apartment. Even if they were to somehow figure out what he was doing, the two didn’t have any special powers to stop him and it would be far too late for them to go get help from anyone and get back before he bled out too much.

Gou gripped the mirror shard as best he could, careful not to cut his dominant hand too much, lest it would be useless to cut his other wrist as deep as he needed. He made a test slice first, the glass easily cutting into his skin. He hissed as blood began to well up and then drip down to the floor.

He sliced deeper on the second cut, the glass going through even smoother than his first cut. The teen knew that even though it was a few hours since he finished the last bottle of wine, the effects of the alcohol were still in his system and would prevent his blood from clotting.

As he began his third cut, he heard frantic beeping and tiny bangs on the bathroom door, no doubt coming from Proto and Chaser. Gou began to laugh as tears began to fall again.

“It’s no use! I don’t deserve to be here! It’s my fault Chase is dead! I killed him! I killed your master! He should be alive, not me! It’s too late to save me! I’m…not worth saving…”

Gou began to ready one final cut, a vertical one to intersect the three he had already made, noting that the beeping and thumping had stopped. No doubt the two had managed to find a way out of the apartment to get help. He knew it was too late already. He was already growing lightheaded and was forcing himself to stay awake to cut himself one last time.

“…You were wrong Chase…you weren’t my buddy… You were…part of my family too.”

The door slammed open and a flash of purple knocked the mirror shard out of Gou’s bloody hand and a towel quickly covered his shredded wrist to ebb the bleeding. Gou began to shake as he started to lose consciousness, not believing who was in front of him as he closed his eyes.

“Ch…Chase?”

——————–

The first thing Gou noted upon waking up, was that his hands really hurt. His head still felt fuzzy and he slowly sat up in his bed, noticing that the customary glass of water and pain pills were on the bedside table. He made a move the glass of water, only to realize his hand was neatly bandaged. He held up his left hand and saw his wrist was also heavily bandaged. Gingerly he moved his fingers and found he could still move them but moving them made his wrist throb.

After taking the pain pills and downing the glass of water, Gou carefully made his way out of his bedroom and into the kitchen, noticing that the bathroom had been cleaned when he passed by it. He dreaded walking into the front part of the apartment for fear of who he might find. He was sure he had just hallucinated Chase being there, and that it was probably his sister or Shinnosuke that had actually stopped him. Gou was pretty sure his living room was full of people ready to give him an intervention.

The apartment was empty and it looked like it had been cleaned up. A covered bowl and a glass of orange juice were on the bar and Gou made his way toward it and sat down, uncovering the bowl to discover slightly warm rice. He slowly ate and drank, giving his body time to adjust actually have food in it. It felt good to feel full and his head clear for the first time in a week.

Gou pushed the empty dishes aside and put his hands on the counter, staring at his bandages hands and wrists, wondering who had patched him up. Surely whoever it was would have stayed to make sure he would be okay or didn’t attempt anything again. The teen slowly got lost in his thoughts, absentmindedly playing with his bandages.

Angered beeping and the forceful nudges on both his arms shook him out of his daze and he looked down to see Proto and Chaser and Gou could imagine they were both glaring at him angrily.

“I…I guess you found someone in time. Or at least, someone was already here. I should have known someone would come. Why else would there have been water and pain pills on my table every day? It’s my sister, isn’t it? I bet she’s pretty disappointed in me…”

The car and bike both began shaking back and forth, indicating that Gou was wrong. The teen furrowed his eyebrows.

“It’s not my sister? Big bro then?”

The two repeated their actions, causing Gou’s eyes to widen.

“B…but they’re the only two that know where I live! Or even have a key! If it’s not either of them…who…?”

Proto and Chaser turned to look at one another before turning around and starting to shake. Gou moved to touch the two, worried about what they were doing, when a beam of light erupted from each of them and focused on one point. There was a faint image at first, slowly materializing until Chase was standing on the other side of the bar.

 “Chase!?”

The teen jumped up and practically climbed over the bar to the purple clad man, touching him for a brief moment. He felt solid enough, but a few seconds later, the Roidmude twitched and became and illusion before disappearing. Gou’s eyes widened as he looked over to the two mini vehicles.

“It...it was you two, wasn’t it? You two...did THIS and...and...saved me last night. You’ve been taking care of me this whole time. But why? After all I did to Chase? I was a jerk to him! I’m the reason he’s dead! If I hadn’t...”

Chaser angrily beeped and drove over to Gou’s wallet that he had left on the table, nudging it with it’s front tire until a piece of plastic fell out and both Chaser and Proto began beeping and nudging it. The teen looked over to see that it was Chase’s license. He had haphazardly shoved it in his wallet in order to not lose it.

“He was so happy to get that. Not even a Roidmude attack was going to stop him that day from getting that. I mean, you two were there so...”

Gou grew still, staring at the tiny vehicles and the license as he started remembering much of what he knew about Chase. He had remembered a conversation Kiriko had with him after he finally started coming back to the Drive Pit, one of many that had her trying to convince him that Chase was on their side and to be nicer to him. He didn’t remember much of that conversation but did remember her telling him that Proto-Speed had been able to give Chase his memories back and that Rinna had used the part that Chase blasted off of his Mashin Chaser form to create Signal Chaser. This was the reason they only worked for him, because they both WERE him in a way.

Gou began laughing as he picked the two up and hugged them close.

“You’re not really dead! You’re just... It’s all there, isn’t it? In both of you. You MAKE Chase! There’s...there’s got to be a way, right? To revive him using you two! That’s why he said you were the most precious to him! We can do this!”

The two vehicles beeped happily and Gou shoved them in his new jacket before putting it on. He grabbed Chase’s license and his wallet and ran out the door.

\--------------------------

“Kiriko...It’s been a week. I know you’d like Gou to be here but it’s time we laid Chase to rest. Every day we don’t, it feels like he’s losing his humanity he gained.”

Kiriko looked at Shinnosuke and then around the room and at each of the solemn faces of her colleagues and the two Roidmudes that had survived, before finally resting her eyes on Chase’s prone face.

“I’m...sorry everyone. I just...after all we’ve been through... After all HE’S been through... I just wish there could have been something we could have done for him to bring him back.” 

The door slammed open and a flushed Gou ran over to where they had laid Chase and panted, trying to catch his breath.

“Good! You didn’t...! There’s...still...! We can...!”

Kiriko laid her hand on her brother’s shoulder and he turned around smiling widely before hugging her tightly.

“We can save him! We can revive him! I don’t know how, but there’s a way! We just have to find it!”

Heart walked up to the siblings, his eyes pained. 

“Gou, Medic and I tried everything, even with Krim and Rinna’s help. There’s nothing in there to revive. As much as it pains me to say it, he’s...just a shell now.”

“That’s because Chase’s body IS just a shell! But Chase...actual Chase...is in them!”

Gou pulled Proto-Speed and Signal Chaser out of his pocket and the two jumped out of his hand and onto Chase’s chest. 

“It’s...been a week for me, but... with their help, I finally remembered something about them. Proto had Chase’s memories and Chaser was made from Chase. So in essence, Proto is Chase’s mind, Chaser is his soul, and that’s his body. If there’s a way to integrate them into Chase, we can bring him back!”

The room grew silent as everyone thought how they could go about executing the plan. Suddenly Medic gasped and ran over to Rinna and the two began to whisper to each other, before Rinna reached over and grabbed Gou’s Driver and Chase’s Break Gunner. 

“Chase’s Driver was damaged beyond repair, but I’ve fixed up Gou’s Driver. I think if we put Chaser in the Driver and Proto in the Break Gunner and activate both, that would bring both parts into Chase!”

“And it would be up to me to reach into Chase’s programming and combine the two and put it back where it all needs to be inside of him. However, we’re gonna need something that’s going to basically jumpstart him.”

Gou glanced over at the line of Shift Cars and Signal Bikes and picked up Mad Doctor and inserted it in his Zenrin Shooter that had been laying next to them. 

“It’s going to hurt a lot, but Doctor would have the ability to jumpstart him. So, let’s do this! Let's get our Chase back!”

\----------------------

Gou, Kiriko, Medic, and Rinna gathered around Chase’s body. Kiriko had taken Break Gunner with Proto-Speed in it and Rinna had attached Gou’s Driver with Signal Chaser on Chase’s waist. A dozen wires were sticking out of it since Rinna would have to manually activate it.

“Okay, we only have ONE shot at this. If any part of Chase isn’t integrated into his body and if enough power isn’t charged into his body, then we won’t be able to revive him. Is everyone ready?”

The others nodded their heads and Kiriko and Gou situated the guns on Chase’s chest while Medic held Chase’s head in her hands. Rinna closed the Driver and began turning knobs and switches. 

“Alright! All of you! NOW!”

The guns activated and Medic’s hands began glowing. At first, nothing seemed to happen, until Chase suddenly opened his eyes gasped loudly. He shot up from the bed and grabbed at his chest, breathing heavily. He turned around to see everyone smiling and crying. He locked eyes with everyone for a few seconds before finally locking his eyes with Gou, who immediately grabbed him into a bear hug and began sobbing in his shoulder. Chase’s eyes softened and he moved his arms to return the hug.

“Thank you Gou. You saved me.”

“You saved me first Chase. You...remember everything that...happened this week?”

Chase nodded and Gou pulled away and reached into his jacket to get his wallet and pulled Chase’s license out and handed it to him.

“I meant it Chase. What I said...if you heard... I consider you part of my family. You’re not so much my buddy...as you’re my brother.”

\-----------------------

There was a brief explanation of what Gou had done during the week he was gone. Gou didn’t tell them everything, but Kiriko knew something had happened to her little brother, judging from the fact he admitted and apologized for taking the alcohol out of her apartment. With Gou and Chase no doubt keeping something from her, she knew Gou wouldn’t be his normal self right away. But when Gou suggested that Chase could move into his apartment if he wanted and he accepted, she knew both of them would be okay. 


End file.
